Today, for many reasons I'm about to ennumerate, I wished I was wearing a Ski Mask.
The first reason was that although it's about 30 degrees today, the wind was blowing straight in from the Arctic. I was bundled tightly, with longjohns, two sweaters, a leather coat, ear muffs, a hat, and fuzzy scarf around my neck (I hear Eskimo's laughing in the distance at my 30 degree attire). But my damn eyebrows were FREEZING! I wished for either bushy old man eyebrows, or a ski mask.
Which made me wish I was in a ski mask for many a reason. Ah, the anonymity of it all. In a ski mask I could:
A) Rob a liquor store and have at least enough money to go out on the lam for a few weeks. (Lam? Lamb? Where the heck did that phrase come from) That would be better than stuck here in non-motivation land.
B) Run around airing those evil thoughts that I never dare to make public without fear of getting thumped or being given a really bad grade.
C) Cover both my extremely bad hair and quickly growing double chin, thus postponing both the overdue hair cut and allowing me not to feel guilty that there are four gyms on campus.
Yes, winter makes me extremely happy in just so many ways. I'm freezing, I'm bored, I'm lethargic, and I make up for it all by eating and drinking more than my share of calories. Makes me rethink my grand plans to land a tenure track job in the New England tundra.
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1 comment:
And just think, with a ski mask you could plaster maxi pads all over a-holes with perfect impunity. (Impunity? I think that's the word I'm looking for.)
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